so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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