I'm lost and stupid without you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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