I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
