Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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