I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
