so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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