Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he shaved USA in his pubs
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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