Having a random hookup so left but love u
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
