I just cut my nipple shaving
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
