i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
