when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
