i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
