What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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