you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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