oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
