Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
