Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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