So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
