I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
