i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
