Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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