Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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