It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
