So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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