she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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