he puts the penis in happiness.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
