I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
