I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
