Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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