My nipple is on Facebook.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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