so explain again why im purple
no
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
