the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
