Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize