Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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