everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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