Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
