well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
