guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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