I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
