i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
