We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
