So drunk its hurt
She's JV to your varsity
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
