whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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