it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
