I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
