Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Shame is for Republicans.
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