i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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