fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
