My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
