is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
