Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
