I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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