i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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