Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
