marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
