Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
