You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just pee around me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
