he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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