My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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