I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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