Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
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Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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