I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
