Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize