he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
