I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
are you so shy because you have an std?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
