when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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