Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
