Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wear drunk well.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
