the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
