We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
