my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
