I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
