Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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