when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
