That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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