As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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