I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize