I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
