he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
