I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
