yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
