Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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