Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
